


Shaghiran

by grexigone



Series: Eldur (Collection of One Shots and Prompts) [5]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Gen, Headcanon, Rogue One Anniversary Week, Sort of? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 15:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13033743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grexigone/pseuds/grexigone
Summary: Bodhi couldn’t bring himself to care how long he’s been sobbing alone out there. No one can hear him there, no one can hurt him either. And then slowly but steady, the screaming ceased. So did his tears. So did the weight of Jedha from his shoulder. When he opened his eyes hesitantly, the first thing he saw was his own hands, fisted above his thighs yet glowing in soft orange. Like the color of Luke's Starfighter uniform. And just like the young Jedi's smile, it was warm.





	Shaghiran

When the news of a second Death Star spread among the Rebel base, Bodhi found himself running away from the War Room, gasping for air that seemed to refuse to enter his lungs. Passed the hangar, bumping with dozens of people, stumbled upon power lines, and he thought he could hear Jyn calling out his name, but he didn't stop.

Everything went blur around him. There were screams, voices he didn't know belong to whom, but he didn't have to. Somewhere between those cries for help, there was the thunderous sound of Jedha’s ground, lifted up from underneath his feet as its denizens tried to escape the ‘mining disaster’. And still, Bodhi ran. Until the X-wings were merely the size of a Loth cat. Until the Massassi temple shrunk to half of its size. Until his feet gave in and he fell on his knees to the humid soil, his eyes damp.

Bodhi couldn’t bring himself to care how long he’s been sobbing alone out there. No one can hear him there, no one can hurt him either. And then slowly but steady, the screaming ceased. So did his tears. So did the weight of Jedha from his shoulder. When he opened his eyes hesitantly, the first thing he saw was his own hands, fisted above his thighs yet glowing in soft orange. Like the color of Luke's Starfighter uniform. And just like the young Jedi's smile, it was warm. 

He finally lifted his face and met with Yavin's sunset, half hidden behind the dense forest that surrounds the Rebel base. Bodhi let the last rays engulfed him, sucking in long breaths until his heart steadies, and within those quiet seconds, a familiar baritone voice suddenly seeped into his memory, whispering phrases he once remembered like his own name; a prayer.

Bodhi choked, torn between laughter and another sob _. Of course_ , he thought lovingly _, it's Baba's voice_.

The elder Rook's face came next. Same round eyes, identical smile, but with greying hair and lines that marked his entire life's story. Baba was kneeling, just like him, only that his both hands were lifted with open palms in front of his mouth, still mumbling out the prayer for little Bodhi to follow. He did perfectly, and Baba was so happy. He smiled at the memory, letting more and more flooded his mind until there Death Star were merely harmless words, and wearing the same smile still, he adjusted his hands.

For the first time since he failed the TIE pilot test, Bodhi Rook prayed once again.

But even this part of his brain could not escape Bor Gullet's effect. The words returned in parts, and every day Bodhi developed a growing doubt that there must be something missing from the praying rituals. After that 'bad news' day, Baba didn't return for quite a long time, as his days also filled again with missions after missions. Yet still, during those hours when the days felt darker and darker with each sunset, hope and the so called ‘Force’ was too foreign for Bodhi to believe in. When not even Jyn’s fiery spirit or Cassian’s undying faith can pull himself together, he craved for Baba's guidance.

It eventually came when Bodhi was staring blankly at his shirt, slick and darkened from Jyn's vibroblade wound before Cassian took over and carried her himself to the med bay. He was on the verge of shattering into pieces like the AT-ST he and Kaytoo managed to shot down, when Baba's voice returned while he was furiously scrubbing the blood from his trembling hands. Bodhi didn't cry that night. Instead, he went to the maintenance wing to search for scraps before sneaking into Jyn's ward and insist the Captain to return to his quarter and have a rest.

That night Bodhi stayed at her side while quietly building a small wearable alarm for prayer times above the bedside drawer.

It's easier to pinpoint Jedha's coordinates when he's piloting the ship, but even then he wasn't immediately feel comfortable to start the routine when he was sent to a separate mission. Because even though it's getting less and less with each passing days, Bodhi could still feel those eyes that lingered on him a little longer than they should while walking around the Rebel base alone. Probably those whose hatred towards the Empire had consumed every inch of their bodies and reduced the colors they see into only black and white, and whatever he is now, he'll always be seen as an Imperial.

So at first Bodhi only prayed two to three times a day, whenever his mission partners were fast asleep. But two to three times of hearing Baba's voice in his head is better than nothing at all, and after several months, he couldn't find it in himself to care anymore. He let Baba guide his every words, every bent to his knees and hips and arms, and during times when every breath feels like his last, Bodhi kneeled a bit longer to slip his own words into the prayer.

It didn't go unnoticed for long, though.

"What was it for?" a young Pathfinder once asked him, just as he thought everyone was already asleep. Bodhi eyed the boy plainly, folding the piece of fabric on the floor into a neat stack. "That thing you always do," he insisted, "Is that some kind of…ritual?"

"In some ways, yeah," Bodhi mumbled quietly, still not meeting the boy's inquisitive gaze.

"Why you do that?"

The pilot only shrugged.

"They said the Force can make you do a lot of things, like make things fly or even hurt someone from afar. Do you pray to have that ability?"

"No," Bodhi chuckled. "I don't believe in—I wasn't praying to the Force."

"Oh?" The boy not sat up completely from his sleeping spot on the ship's floor, brows furrowed with confusion. "But why?"

"Well, I just don't."

"Then what can it do, the other-Force you're praying to? Can it lift things or push someone too?"

"Um," Bodhi fidgeted with the edge of the folded clothes now, trying to send the right message to the boy that he wasn't at all comfortable in talking about such private matters. "Not really. That's not the point of it either."

The boy's eyebrows curled even more. "I don't get it. Why pray to something--and so often--when it cannot do anything anyway?"

He should've been angry; at one point the words jabbed into his ears and subsequent mind like the grenade that almost took his life back in Scarif. It almost wiped away Baba's vivid image that's been grounding Bodhi to reality ever since Bor Gullet messing up the line between what's solid and what's merely a shadow. But somehow, at the edge of the boy's innocent insult, his memory came to Jyn, and the words she would say to those who constantly deemed her unworthy of a hero. Mimicking her gesture, Bodhi smiled and stood up, walked confidently towards the boy before bending down just a bit so he could meet his eyes.

"It keeps me from going 'back', you know. From changing the coordinates of this ship to the closest Imperial facility and turning you all in exchange for some credits and a nice vacation in Naboo. Because, you see," Bodhi bent down a little more and squinted his eyes, "I'm the pilot anyway. Have a good rest, pal!"

He couldn't care less for what the boy might've told the other Rebels, but it was enough of a reason for him to request a permanent assignment with Rogue One. Because even though they too might have dozens of questions about his new praying ritual, they would be kinder not to threw the similar questions.

Yet it also didn't stop him from feeling nervous the first time he awkwardly knocked at Cassian's cabin during his sleep hour, asking him to pilot the ship during several minutes of his prayers (the way the Captain rubbing away the sleep from his eyes furiously and Jyn's subsequent sleepy wail from their bed almost made Bodhi pull back his request); but Cassian had nodded warmly to him and even gestured him to use the cabin for praying, and in that moment Bodhi knew that he was making the right decision.

Even with all the comfort he got, it still was not always easy.

Those days when they're running with time, Bodhi would have to skip several prayers, or sometimes had even completely forgotten to do it for days or weeks (though the wrist reminder never failed to buzz at the correct time). It was easier back then, with Baba and Ammi to constantly reminds or calls him out. Even his younger sisters would join in, taunted him cheekily with "Buy us our favorite snack or we'll tell Baba" every now and then, and it was far better than letting his own mind participate in a battle between excuses and regrets and everything in between, which only made him miss Jedha and his family even more. 

But then, one unexpected occasion during which they had to abandon their ship and bring home a new stolen one, Chirrut had removed his robe and handed it to him with a smile, just when he was quietly contemplating about his prayer rug inside the destroyed ship. And the longing eased for a breath that night.

Weeks later, as Rogue One was cramped into their tiny new ship with a dozens of rescued scientists, Baze had spread parts of his repeater canon to an empty spot beside him—his way of spending time by cleaning them one by one—only to remove them all when his eyes met Bodhi's who was desperately looking for a space. The guardian remained silent for the entirety of his prayer, his weapon laid uncleansed, and the longing in Bodhi's heart eased some more.

He found himself _smiling_ through the entire trip back from one of their mission, from Jyn's simple act of handling him two full, clean drinking water (one was hers and the other she definitely 'borrowed' from Cassian) for his pre-prayer ritual when the planet they visited was lacking of both liquid and sand. She later insisted him to return the remaining water to the Captain instead, shrugging off his concern by simply stating "I've survived worse," and walk away with a wink. Bodhi couldn't help but remember how he used to wish for an older sister and how perhaps this is one of the answer to his prayers.

Months later he didn't even have to wake Cassian anymore. Most of the times he would be the one who tapped on Bodhi's shoulder, offering the temporary exchange while he slipped into the Captain's cabin only to find that his prayer rug has already been laid on the floor for him. The other times he'd stood in front of the cabin's door, trying hard to contain his laughter upon hearing Jyn's loud whispers in an attempt to wake Cassian up, which would be succeeded by either a sound of pillow being slammed or a surprised gasp of almost falling to the floor from being nudged so hard.

More often than not, Kaytoo would ran the coordinates of Jedha far ahead from being needed and pointed him at the correct direction right after the prayer alarm buzzed. Bodhi knew the droid must've had millions of questions to ask him (aside from calculations and diagnostics), but every time he tapped his metal chest and mumbling his sincere gratitude, he hoped Kaytoo understands how much he appreciates him for not doing so.

In the end, as well as the beginning for a new era, with the debris of the second Death Star glinting across Endor's sky, Bodhi watched as his new family sit around their own private bonfire, hands holding those who are most precious to their hearts while he let his own opened above his knees. For a second he believed Baba, Ammi, and his sisters were there to laid theirs where he reserved them, and with closed eyes, Bodhi chanted his favorite prayer:

_Bestow your mercy to my parents, as they have loved me when I was a child._

**Author's Note:**

> I originally planned to post this on the 5th day of ROAW (Favorite Headcanon), but, well, lyfe happens and it's a bit late but here it is! I hope you enjoy this :")
> 
> So basically this is another product of my headcanon of assimilate the actor's background to the character he/she played, and in this one, it was Riz to Bodhi. 
> 
> It is important to inform you all too, that the information I obtain for this story was not first-hand. I do not belong to the above faith/religion/culture, but to an extend I live amongst them through my entire life and one of the person closest to me indeed belongs to it. I am also aware that this topic could be a little sensitive during these days, so I apologize in advance should there's any misleading or incorrenct information in this fic, and if it was to be the case, please do not hesitate to message me here or on [Tumblr](https://grexigone.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Baba = father; Ammi = mother; both in Urdu, the lingua franca of Pakistan.
> 
> Shaghiran is a part of this prayer in Arabic: "Rabbighfirli waliwalidayya warhamhuma kama rabbayani shaghiran." (QS. Al-Isra 17:24)  
> Which roughly translated to: "My Lord! Bestow on my parents thy mercy as they cherished me in my childhood."
> 
> I chose the word for the title as a homage to this rather unique music group back in the uni, which one of their most popular song is titled "Soghiro" (another pronounciation to shaghiran). The song's lyric only contains the above phrase (plus some more that I haven't figure out), and in the middle of the song the vocalist would start 'preaching' to the audience and it was so wild and religious and fun at the same time I just want to pay a tribute to them for making the night our art/media club's movie came out as the 1st winner for the short film competition :D
> 
> So again, I hope you enjoy this piece!


End file.
